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Bionacle

BIONACLE (short for "biomechancle") is a LEGO theme introduced in 2015 which replaced Hero Factory. This has been regarded as an extremely bad move and has earned several LEGO executives a spot in Hell for replacing such a beloved theme on a cliffhanger. BIONACLE has been criticized for its water-downed story which is a Ninjago rip-off, just with even worse voice acting.

Some people seem to think that BIONACLE is the return of an older theme, but in 2015 it came out for the first time and replaced hero factory. do not believe liars who say it existed before because it didn't it is new i am lego expert.

Story Edit

In the time before time the Great Being Maku Nuti made the ultimate mask of super egg macguffin and used it to create six heroes called Toa. He meant to call Hero Factory instead, but Hero Factory wouldn't help because the BIONACLES aren't real lego like freinds. Maku Nuti then told the Toa a bunch of lies to get them to do his grocery shopping. Maku Nuti wants to get rid of the toa after a while so he can just call hero factory. he tries lying to them more, feeding them to dinosaurs, striking them with lightning, mutating them into animals (those were my fav) and drowning them but nothing works because they are real heroes beacuse they follow the three virtues.

As it turned out, bionacles live in a big bionacle which becomes evil at some point i don't remember why and then we get Glatorian which are like Toa, but Glatorian make babies and that's not okay for a kids' show so we have to get rid of fleshy bits and get rid of all of the females too because romance is icky so let's just not have girls because girls are icky and i am lego expert and Friends is not real lego.

Themes Edit

BIONACLE heavily features the three virtues; unity, duty, and density. One hobby which many characters partake in is chanting them mindlessly because young kids just eat it up when they hear little robot men who don't know any better repeat "Duty!" over and over again. However, unity, duty, and density has a dark and subversive meaning only masquerading as the most crappy of toilet jokes:

  • Unity teaches kids (and also kids in adult bodies, adult in adults bodies, adults in kid bodies, and animals in adult bodies) to stick together! Teamwork conquers all!
  • Duty teaches kids to do their duty or else it will make a mess of things and to stop laughing because this isn't funny. You're immature. This is serious. We are grimdark now. Grow up, or else we'll kill off Matoro again.
  • Density teaches kids that they can't fly. Originally there were only two virtues, but then kids attempted to imitate Lewa and the writers decided that the introduction of a third virtue would be the best way to encourage against this, and depicted Lewa as pretty much the only Toa to have bad stuff happen to him because of a cosmic force (known as Greg Farshtey). However, most kids ignored it, since "density" is chanted right after "duty," sending them into hysterical fits of laughter and, in rare cases, falling to their deaths.

Clearly, these "three virtues" are hallmarks of communism and further proof that the Danes are really just happier Soviets. There must be something in the CHI.

Though not as prominent, BIONACLE also teaches that you can only be a hero if the plot demands it you are fated to. Otherwise, if you fall into the weird silver lava or get struck by convenient lightning from a magic star, you're probably toast. That, or ugly, but with Greg Farshtey writing, chances are you are probably going to be both.

Sets Edit

  • 70784 Lewa - MASTER OFFFFFF JUNNNNNGGGGGLLEEEEE ANNNNDDDDD AIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR
  • 70785 Pohatu - MASTER OFFFFFF EAAAAAARRRRRRRTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHH (spoilerHe is secretly the villain because he controls all the Earth!!!!!)
  • 70786 Gali - MASTER OFFF WAAAATTTTTEEERRRR
  • 70787 Tahu - OMEGA MASTER OFFF FIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
  • 70788 Kopaka - MASTER OF FROZEN WAAAATTTTTTTEEEEER
  • 70789 Onua - The Token

Notes Edit

  • All six Toa are male, but, interestingly, 70786 Gali - MASTER OFFF WAAAATTTTTEEERRRR was recalled because the plastic contained high traces of estrogen, similar to Friends sets. Writers are currently debating on whether or not to add masculinity as the fourth virtue, to keep boys from trying to imitate Gali's body.

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